Querying: Week One Reflections

Thank you to everyone asking how I’m doing in the querying trenches.

I’m genuinely unsure how to feel about the fact that strangers on TikTok are checking in on me more than my actual family, but we’re not unpacking that emotional suitcase today.

What I will say is that it’s somehow gone both better and worse than I expected, which means I’ve experienced enough emotional turbulence to power an entire dystopian regime for at least three seasons and a spin-off.

Six days in the querying trenches, fam.
That’s barely enough time to blink, yet I’ve aged seventeen emotional years.

Let me explain, because yes, I absolutely brought this on myself.

One question every author will ask themselves is… who should be the first agent I query?

There’s so much that goes into that decision (fear, hope, delusion, etc.), and I’d wager that most people would choose someone who seems nice, approachable… and perhaps not TOO big, just in case they flop harder than my Wi-Fi during a Zoom call.

But I did not do that, for some reason.
Instead? My stupid-ass brain went, “Go big or go home,” and I decided to query a senior agent at one of the biggest agencies in the world. The one that literally reps Pulitzer and Grammy winners. I did it fully expecting to get ghosted. 

But no.

He replied the next day.
Rejecting me, as expected.
But also referring me to his protege. 

Immediately sending my brain into utter turmoil.

Let me translate his sweet, professional, personal email into Gen Z gremlin memespeak for y’all, to the best of my ability:

Hi Ashe,

Wow, this is really fun and clever. That was NOT what I was expecting from someone who comped their book to anime and flexed their TikTok following in their query. A first for me, I must say. 

You clearly have a lot of things going for you. I have no doubt that someone will be able to leverage all that and cut you a killer deal.

But alas… my knees. Way to make me feel like I just stumbled into an early midlife crisis.  Reading your book and checking out your socials has made me realize that the future is now, and I simply cannot.

So, I will be stepping aside.

Perhaps my younger, former assistant, ____, now building his list at ____, would be more familiar with what you bring to the table… and willing to download TikTok. Go forth, child, and yeet your manuscript at him.

Ciao,

Very Important Agent Man. 

—

Needless to say, I took his advice immediately…
…and have heard exactly zero from his former assistant. Plot twist: shockingly, this was exactly the outcome I should’ve expected.

To be fair, it’s only been a week. And according to his query tracker, he’s been MIA since September, probably buried under an avalanche of manuscripts, existential dread, and maybe a small herd of crying clients. I can’t exactly expect him to drop everything and give my gay cyberpunk masterpiece attention.

But that’s not even the juiciest part.

Guys.

GUYS.

In my short time in the trenches, I’ve hit an incredible milestone: a full manuscript request… sent within the hour I submitted.

Yup. I had prepared myself for the usual ghosting, the ritual chocolate binge, the small offerings to the query gods… and instead, boom. Someone actually wants to read my book.

And not just read it, fam.

I’ll refrain from copy/pasting her whole email, despite it giving me so much dopamine, because I don’t want to be weird. Just know that this is a direct quote, okay?

“YES! Yes yes yes! This is exactly what I want to read!”

The way I CRIED.

Oh my god. Actual queen. A visionary. A literary goddess.

Even if she ultimately says no, she’s permanently changed my brain chemistry. I’m so hyped to hear what she thinks of the whole thing.

It completely made up for the three additional rejections I got this week, all from major agencies that basically said: ‘Seems risky for our list… so nah.’ 

Oof. That feel when you’re too queer and Asian. 

How does one cope with your existence being “risky” for companies claiming they’d love to champion underrepresented voices?

I’m trying not to think too hard about it, especially because they were so nice otherwise. But it did confirm that I’m right to stay closeted at work. Imagine if the tech bros find out I’m queer and a woman? Oh, dude… they would implode, and so would my career in their fragile little minds. The DEI comments would go through the roof, and there would go the last shreds of my ability to be taken seriously.

Anyway, I do think this is a sign that my query is so clear, agents decide pretty fast whether they’re into it or not, which is a good thing. Apparently, most people wait weeks to ever hear anything back at all, so I should be very grateful, even for the rejections.

Yet, regardless, I’ve never been so emotionally exhausted.
You guys weren’t kidding when you said querying trenches.

Real talk, how does anyone survive years of this soul-sucking chaos without turning into a meme?

Asking for a friend.